human resistance

i get so lost in my own head

worrying

about things

that are so simple,

and then i picture the universe

just laughing at me.

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why did i drown when only my toes were in the ocean?

every time i return,

i wonder if i left for the right reasons

or if i was running.

and every time,

i wish i didn’t feel like i was being punched in the gut,

contemplating why i’m still so fragile when i go back,

and why i wasn’t strong enough to stay the first time around.