moving away to new places
and losing what became like a home,
only to recognize that it was always just a house.
some things stay the same
like the food i can get at the grocery store
and my dog sleeping in my bed,
but most of it doesn’t
and i don’t quite know how to grasp that sometimes.
i want transformation
and i want to grow,
but losing anything good in the process breaks my heart.
i see now that it is impossible not to.
that i have lost friends and loved ones
to distance that is physical or emotional.
you, and him and her.
i’m sitting in my new apartment
looking out the window at the trains going by,
thinking this is so peaceful,
it makes me cry,
because this view
means something new.
and i’m not quite ready to feel so uneasy again.