The Steps of True Parenthood

It’s been about 26 hours and I’ve officially passed day one of being a mom.

Meet Louis. You can call him Louie or Lou. Totally cool. This 30-pound pup is the current love of my life. Sorry (human) boys.

louie post bath

Louis after his first bath at home.

Turns out Louis isn’t housebroken. But, I really can’t blame the guy. He was neglected his whole life, aka no home to get properly trained in.

Louis, if you’re reading this, I promise I’m not going anywhere. Just don’t pee in my bed again, K?

Step 1: Maintain perspective while picking up dog sh*t from the kitchen floor. Remind myself that this is the least of our issues. If anything, this is a challenge. Will cross “potty trained a dog” off my bucket list within the next month.

Step 2: Wake up in the middle of the night(multiple times) because Louis has restless leg syndrome and is breathing heavy. What if he’s having a nightmare? What if he’s sick? WORRY LIKE AN INSANE PERSON. Check.

Step 3: Talk to Louis like a baby. Talk to Louis while walking down the street. Talk to Louis in my bed. Talk to Louis with no inhibition whatsoever. He deserves a little conversation, ya feel???

Step 4: Make a note to call the vet in the morning to discuss his food. Is he getting the right food for his body? Is it going to make him sick? Is “red meat dog food” OK for dogs? Are the bumps on his skin normal? “Excuse me, when is your next available appointment?”

Step 5: Create new rule for dating. First, don’t. But if I do, Louis comes first. If you don’t like my dog, you can go away, sir(man, dude, boy).

Step 6: Freak out on anyone who talks sh*t about my dog.(Don’t worry Lou, I got your back)

Step 7: Take a lot of photos of Louis and post them on social media until everyone hates me.

Step 8:  Look at the unconditional love in front of me and be eternally grateful for the gift named “Louis” that has entered my life.

Step 9: Talk about Louis to complete strangers.

…Already feeling like a successful mom.


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