So, I was stalking myself on Facebook the other day.
I won’t lie, I got pretty far back in the photo gallery.
It turned into a serious self analysis session. And shit started to get really weird. A pathetic stream of thoughts raced through my mind.
“Did I really look like that?,” I thought. “Man was I chubby.”
“Oh yeah, that’s that time when I went off the deep end and lost like 20 pounds and half of my friends.”
“Ugh, look at that stupid picture I was forced to take. It’s a complete lie. Wait, is that a garden gnome in the background?”
It was kind of a difficult process, actually, looking at all of those photos, each paired with a different thought and a string of memories.
I started to delete some of the pictures that made me feel ashamed, ashamed for the way I looked and ashamed for the person that I was when the photo was taken.
“I can’t even look at this,” I thought.
But then, it was like the fucking stars exploded and I had this massive epiphany. I stopped what I was doing immediately.
I stopped and I asked myself, “LAUREN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”
I was being a hypocrite.
I was also being unfair to myself.
Thinking that I could delete proof of my past was stupid. Trying to take away proof of something that I used to be was even worse.
All of those versions of me in every single one of those pictures were crucial in creating the me that I am today.
We like to paint a pretty picture of ourselves on social media.
If there’s anything that living in Los Angeles and working in the entertainment industry taught me, it’s that image is everything. (This is not true).
One bad headshot, and nobody’s going to call you in for an audition. I’ve been brainwashed into thinking that what you look like on camera is everything. Every photo is a representation of your reputation and your self worth.(This is also not true).
It’s all so messed up.
People like to say that cameras lie. But that’s not true either.
Camera’s don’t lie.
Deleting those pictures of yourself isn’t going to make people like you more. Truth is, they’ve probably already seen you at your worst, like at that party three years ago when you spent the night puking on their bathroom floor.
So stop deleting that shit. Nobody’s going to lose respect for you for looking like a real human being.
They’re just going to click the next arrow and keep looking through hundreds of photos of people they barely know until their brains have turned to mush and they’re elbow deep in a box of Goldfish.