I’ve been told that birth is a beautiful process.
…Not one that I’ve personally ever tried to imagine going through, but nonetheless, new life into the world is ok, I guess. As long at they don’t grow up to be assholes.
I woke up this morning to a picture that my mom sent me of my neighbor’s newly born baby girl. I should feel worse about writing down these words, but honestly, I’m still in shock.
It was the by far the most aggressively ugly baby photo I have ever seen; the rudest awakening I have ever recieved at 8 o’clock in the morning.
Hanging in front of some big hospital-looking machine was this baby, held up by two big purple-gloved hands.
The doctor was practically smashing the baby’s head, sort of shaping its face into a miniature Shrek-human.
GROUP TEXT BETWEEN ME, MOM, AND SISTER:
Me: Honestly, ew, didn’t need to wake up to that picture.
Mom: Be nice, grumpy.
Me: Mom, it’s like she has a little penis…at least send a clothed picture.
Mom: That’s an umbilical cord.Right out of the hopper. LOL.
Me: Obviously. Besides the point.
Mom: Ok, grumps. Love you.
Sister: hahahaha good morning to you too Lauren.
Me: Honestly, can we not agree on how ugly and disgusting this picture is?
Alex: not the most attractive specimen
Me: Hopefully they don’t show her this picture until after puberty because her self esteem is shot.
Mom: (Sends clothed family photo) Her face already looks better. Beautiful family.
Me: (Puts down phone)
Birth is really beautiful.