Me and Alcohol will never be soulmates. No matter how hard I have tried to give it my adoration, it has always rejected me, leaving me feeling disappointed and regretful each and every time.
“Don’t touch me,” it says.
“But I want you,” I say back.
“I can’t give you what you want,” it says.
“But I love you,” I say back.
The easy solution would be to spare myself the heartbreak and take myself out of its picture entirely, but the exit has been challenging.
Everywhere I look, there it is; sitting in my kitchen, following my friends, trailing me at the supermarket.
It has taken some time, but I’d say that I’m about 90% there. 90% of the time Alcohol waits for me at the bar, flexing its muscles and begging me for attention. When I can resist, I usually end up down by the pool table, deep in conversation with another stranger who has faced Alcohol’s wrath, or at least, with the kid who is tripping on mushrooms.
But there is still 10% of me that wishes Alcohol wanted me back, and so I give it another chance, time and time again. I wait outside its door, begging it to let me in, begging for its delusion.
“Please hold me,” I say. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“Ok, you can come in for a little while,” it says.
When I wake up the next morning, it has left me alone in its bed. There is no note. There is only a lingering smell on the sheets and a line of memories racing through my head, reminding me of why I should have stayed home.