It all started with Justin Bieber.
What a line, right?
I am a fan in some ways. I shouldn’t admit this in only the third line, but the kid has got musical skill.
We tweeted each other a bit(about Justin Bieber), and then I Facebook inboxed you. Is that a word in the dictionary now? Well anyways, inbox led to text, and text led to snapchat, which led to voicemails and phone calls and plans to visit each other.
This wasn’t like catfish, ok? I knew you. I walked by you in the halls for years. But all that time, nothing. I think I asked you what it was like to be a preacher’s son, once.
And then that thing with Justin Bieber happened.
It was two Christmases ago, and now here we are.
Two years is a long time you know. I have to admit that I really judged you for a while. Oh, he just works in retail, he’s just a kid, a basement stoner, stuck.
You’re such a talker, you know? Saying all these things you want to do, but never doing them.
But, god, did you make me laugh. Even though you tried too hard to be funny sometimes.
Oh, and that hug? You know that hug. It was the best hug I’ve ever gotten.
I thought I wanted all the money and the boys who would drive me in nice cars down the PCH.
But then one day I realized that I just wanted you. I just wanted that hug back.
The sound of your voice. The yin to my yang. The light to my dark.
I’m sorry that I didn’t see you that one time. I judged you then, too.
I’m sorry that it took me so long, to remember that hug.
You were my best friend, you know.
A lot changed in 900-something days.
I came back for you. Did you know that?
I hope you got your TV. Is it a flatscreen?
What happened to camping by the lake? To the walks? To the adventures?
And most of all, why did you never send me that package? My sister told me about that package.
You were a light in my life, and the moments I feel like calling you are always sad. But then I look at the mountains around me, the friends on my couch, and the blessings in my life.
The truth is that I will never want to be there. The truth is that I will always leave and you will always stay.
I was scared, too, ok?
But then there’s that stupid quote that says “You have to want it more than you’re afraid of it.” I should have bought you a poster with that stupid quote so you could put it on your stupid wall and then maybe you would have come.
I’m so mad at you. But I also love you.
I’m not in love with you, you idiot.
But there’s this tiny piece of my heart with your name just sitting in it. It’s ok, it’s just a little sticker and soon the ink will fade like one of those name tags they make you wear at get-to-know you events.
Just don’t be so afraid anymore, ok?